Embracing Self-Compassion Continued...

     I've met numerous people, including myself, who are often so inspired to right the wrongs in other people's lives or better yet to solve big world problems, but they avoid looking at their own suffering. Self-compassion is not only a gift to ourselves, but to the world at large. As we work on our own personal suffering, we are making the world a better place. Caring for ourselves is participating in the care of the world and the world-soul. It is also life-giving.
     Gregg Braden, in his wonderful book, Walking Between the Worlds, discusses some of the great scientific mysteries within our own bodies that are affected by compassion. He explains how within the recent few years, researchers have discovered that the human genetic code is not fixed but variable. This variability is actually affected by our feelings and emotions. He writes: “In the ancient traditions, there is a quality of emotion and feeling and thought that appears to optimize those genetic codes and “turn them on” thus giving us longevity, vitality and tremendously enhanced immune systems. That quality is what we today call compassion.”
     So, in truth, we are not being selfish by nourishing our own souls with compassion, for it can elevate us into higher, more productive frequencies of being. Nothing is more important than we have a good sense of well-being flowing in our own lives. With this balance and well-being, we can then reach down a strong hand to assist others upward and show them how to help themselves through self-compassion…a sympathy for our own suffering with the desire to alleviate it.
    Martia Nelson, a life coach, explains how potent a little self-compassion can be. She writes: “It is tiny and subtle. Microscopic, and it is the most powerful tool for transformation you might ever find. Self-compassion is having a sweetness for yourself, no matter what else you might be experiencing.”
     But often the case is, that we are hard on ourselves, very demanding indeed. Often we put ourselves in arduous situations, doing difficult tasks that we would never ask another human being to do. This stems from our devaluing the self. We mistakenly think that self-deprecation can lead to spiritual purity. We have been taught this, but we can re-teach ourselves the sweet lessons of self-compassion. We have to be as gentle with ourselves as we would be with others we truly love.
     Often, it is the choices that we have made that put us in difficult and trying situations. If we can learn to make wise decisions with self-compassion in mind, we would avoid a lot of these hardships. Dignity, honor, self-worth, self-respect, these are values that are worth practicing for ourselves for as we love ourselves, so can we love others. If we have been used to hardship, we will ignore the hardships of others, but if we have learned gentleness, we will want to see others enjoying gentle lives as well.
     How do we start? A good inner inventory would be beneficial. To allow oneself a day of self-reflection and relaxation would be a wonderful way to begin. Sitting back with closed eyes and looking deeply within at all aspects of our lives and going over each slice of our lives: work, leisure, friendships, romantic relationships, family, and finances. Think of each and just feel your inner response. How would you assist or advise another in each slice of life? What would the ideal be for you in each slice? Play with that wonderful ideal and feel its fullness growing in you. Allow yourself possibility thinking and allow yourself connection to your Ultimate Source to assist you and open doors and make creations for you. Sit back and remind yourself…"I am not alone in this. I have Sources of Help that I may not see, but are actively working on solutions that will bring me joy as I open to receive it."
     Ah, opening to receive…how does one do that when one has been usually giving most of his/her life? It feels so comfortable to be the giver and it comes so naturally and in truth, it gives us "control" or at least a sense of it. Receiving, you see, takes a humbler spirit. Often when we let go of control and are humble enough to ask for help and not only ask, but receive it with nothing more than heart-felt gratitude, well, it takes some getting used to.
     And then again we worry..."What if we ask, will help come?" Maybe that is why we are afraid to be vulnerable enough to place ourselves in a position of receiving. What could be worst than to sit with open hands and hearts that stay unfilled? Perhaps this has been our experience in the past, to ask and to have been refused. So now it takes a special kind of self-love to do so again. But we must, for when we experience the joy of receiving, which we will; it will shift our perception of reality. We will observe a more helpful and healing universe. And of course, why shouldn’t we receive all that is good? Then we will be able to feel true peace and trust, for then we will know that there are Greater Forces working on our behalf and we will ask ourselves: why hadn't we surrendered sooner? Impatience is one thing that stalls us. When we are chasing after our own dreams, we are exhilarated because we feel a sense of control and accomplishment. Even if nothing tangible is being done...we are ACTIVE!
     When we sit back in faith and trust and wait for our good to find us, we feel out of control, helpless and lazy. But this couldn't be further from the truth. Silence, meditation, and prayer avail much. If we could only believe that our needs are being attended do, whether we are experiencing it visually or not right this red hot second, then we would develop a true faith. It is a faith in the Ultimate Goodness of our Source. And it only makes sense. How could a loving God want anything but joy and goodness for its creations?
     I sometimes picture that it is like this for our God: It is as if you were the wealthy parent of a child that you were trying to help. You would be trying to give this child a huge chunk of money to assist him on his way, but every time you tried to stop in, he wasn't home, too busy chasing his dream. When you called, his line was busy. His mailbox both online and off were full. The money could not be received.
     Sometimes we have to stop running to allow our goodness to catch up to us. Empty all our mailboxes. And practice the wise counsel of “Be still and know I am God. Then maybe we would hear something like this “Go then, eat your bread in happiness, and drink your wine with a cheerful heart, for God has already approved your works." (Ecclesiastes 9:7). But we have to do the work of allowing ourselves to feel happy. Doesn’t that sound strange? Doing work to be happy? But it is a silent and watchful work. We have to be vigilant against the thoughts that would take root and push us to harsh works and lonely toil to gain more and more and more of things that don’t bring true joy. Let us, instead, learn to be as children playing in the sun, full of present moment glee and fulfillment, knowing that there mother is inside, happily cooking the dinner. Yes, our Ultimate Source is busy in the kitchen, why can we not perceive it? Why can we not just relax? Practice receiving the good things that Source is sending our way on a daily basis…practice receiving, whether it is a piece of business advice, a cup of coffee, or someone offering to help. I challenge you to do this for one week...open yourself to receiving anything that anyone wants to give you…let “Yes, that would be wonderful.” be your most frequent response. Say yes, and yes again.